good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
