After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
