just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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