sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
