During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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