I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
