he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
