just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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