I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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