I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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