does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
