Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
