Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You pole danced in your parka.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
