I just saw a hot homeless man
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
