She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
