I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
