Your tits are I can't wait for
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
