YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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