I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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