That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
