I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My dick has a subreddit
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
