Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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