Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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