If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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