my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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