Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
