Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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