I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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