She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
