Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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