never play flip cup with pint glasses
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
