Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
