Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Farmville is her only friend.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
