Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Who died my cat blue again?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
