Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
