sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
