Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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