Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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