I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize
