Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
