Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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