Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
