left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
