Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
