Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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