so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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