no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
