oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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