Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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