I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Randomize
