I've blown a few things in my day
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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