His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
BRING THE BAGELS
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
