my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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