He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
