im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
