for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
organizing the empties. That sober.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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