He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
His nipple licking is glorious
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